Whenever the topic of Holmes and sexuality is raised, there will be two books mentioned – ‘Naked is the Best Disguise’ by Samuel Rosenberg and ‘The Sexual Adventures of Sherlock Holmes’ being the other. Both, in my opinion, shouldn’t even be mentioned in a serious discussion as they’re both either intended to be ridiculous or just plain bad, you might disagree with me on ‘Naked is the Best Disguise’ but if a book can seriously argue that ‘The Red Headed League’ is about the prevention of pederast rape and is a re-telling of Sodom and Gomorrah then to be honest, it isn’t worthy of being taken with a straight face.
As for ‘The Sexual Adventures of Sherlock Holmes’, I feel that Larry Townsend is responsible for why talking about Holmes and his sexuality is seen as something to be ridiculed and be offended by. Being one of the often mentioned seldom seen monstrosities I felt compelled to get a copy… and did so via that wonderful thing ebay (I can’t help imagine what 221B would have been like if Holmes had access to ebay). Well, the book certainly doesn’t disappoint as not only is it badly written but you have to laugh at some of the things Watson chooses to say about his old friend Stamford.
“We had engaged in a brief affair and I remember him particularly for his extraordinary rectal structure – his ability to relax and contract the sphincter muscles as if they were under a totally voluntary control.”
“… and also a clever bit of tailoring about his crotch. Well, I thought, Stamford was certainly never lacking in that respect, either. The memory was a pleasant one… large, deep-ruby coloured genitals… thick, wide penis with veins that twined about its shaft like the vines on a wall of brick… bollicks (sic) of a bull with the heady aroma of manhood aroused…”
As for Holmes, well he doesn’t really get much of a description as the first meeting is rather brief and Watson is whisked off to Baker Street for a very intensely described sex scene (needlessly to say, Holmes has large hands and according to an earlier conversation between the pair it ah… correlates
). Not only that, but it turns out that Mrs Hudson is not only a famous and notorious courtesan but is also really a he and caused a nice scandal in France because of it.
All this by page twenty-two!
The rest of the book seems to be a retelling of ‘A Study in Scarlet’, presumably it will be more colourful than the original and you know what? I’m going to carry on reading it because it’s probably one of the funniest books I’ve read in a long time. Believe me, some of the badly written sex scenes that fanfiction writers so favour (usually of the heterosexual variety) can’t compete.